* % The sunrise is simply beautiful .. #* It gets more beautiful when you're here beside me

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

{Hope he's feeling ok}

Amanda did a tarot card reading for me and she's damn accurate. She has done it for me a couple of times and although not everything comes true but 3 out of 5 did came true. It was amazing. This week's reading says:

1. An older man in my life will dash my hopes/ give me false hopes.
2. I have some issues with men and I can find true happiness if I let them go.
3. I have a few options about jobs but isn't considering them as I am looking for something else. And the better job will be just round the corner.

It's so true... I was offered two jobs. One with E & O Group and one with Big Fish but both jobs required direct selling with no basis salary. All of them are full time jobs but they're not what I am looking for. I will hang around and hopefully the better job will be just round the corner.

Rob and I met last night after his seminar in the Ballarat State Office. We were supposed to spend more time together but a pity, he was called back on duty when a truck overturned and he had to go and see to the welfare of the sheeps that were on the truck. It was a cold and foggy night and he had to attend to work. Must be hard. He's feeling really tired today and didn't get back to see me last night. I hope he's feeling alright. I had a talk with him about Sunday. I told him that I was a bit disappointed that he changed the appointment and not informing me earlier. Has this put him off? I guess I'll let fate plays its roles and if things doesn't work out, I am happy to be his friend. Always a listening ear...

|1:41 PM|

Monday, August 28, 2006

{Another Day Has Gone...}

Today has been another boring day for me. Rob sms me in the morning as well as talked to me online during his lunch break. I could feel myself getting cold in my heart when I spoke to him. No more endearing terms such as sweetie from me. It sounded more polite than ever. I guess part of me just distrusts him and I know that this is a horrible feeling. I can't help but feel that there is another side of him that is beyond my understanding. He arranged to meet me after his conference tomorrow. I agreed to it. I have been advised to tell him about my disappointment about him changing the appointment and even being friends, I also feel that I should. Honesty is a key virtue.

Just got to know my god- daughter is now a full- fledged "woman" (Pretty Dior's pictures are right at the top of the blog). Isn't she absolutely pretty? Congratulations Dior. You're a big gal now. Haha... Your mummy's vitamins must have worked wonders. She's now a really pretty girl. Putting on weight has made her look more gorgeous than ever. I think she's going to be a real heartbreaker when she grows older. Haha...

I finally got around to finishing up the collage that I vowed to do for Minnie and Muffin. Took the pics using my phone camera so it's not that clear. However, I am actually quite proud of my accomplishments. I have never done anything artistic before and this one doesn't look too bad. The pity is that it doesn't looks as nice as the scrapbook that Jenny made for me...

|5:53 PM|

{True Colours of human}

I had a terrible sat night. Miki was a lunatic. Asked his friend to ring me and tell me how much he loves me etc and asked me to go out with him. When I declined that he comes and picks me up, he ignored my refusal and still turned up at my doorstep. God, it was a scary incident. He even accuse me of seeing someone else when him and I are not even officially together. What a loopie. I was glad to get rid of him at the end.

Rob and I made plans to meet on Sun afternoon but he changed his mind and only let me know after I sms him. I mean, it's ok if he wants to have lunch with his mates but I think it's still basic courtesy to let me know beforehand the change of plans. Then he asked if I wanna have dinner together and when I asked him to confirm it so that I can tell Steve that I won't be meeting him, Rob actually told me to go out as he can't promise anything yet. I am sick and tired of this kind of lifestyle. I do wonder if he has another part of life that I do not know about.

I have decided to steer clear away from him. As hard as it might be, I have decided to put my emotions aside and vowed never to make initial contact with him again. I don't want to put myself in a position that I might be vulnerable to any kind of pain and hurt. Although, the saying goes, no venture, no gain but this is a risky venture that I have absolutely no confidence in. Maybe it might seems like I am trying to rush things too fast but I honestly don't know what to think about this anymore. I think by keeping a distance from him would be the best way to go... Wish me luck and success in doing that! Don't give up!

|12:00 AM|

Saturday, August 26, 2006

{Life Is Far From A Bed of Roses}

It's another one of the day whereby things just doesn't seems to be going right for me. Had a few disheartening news about my job and people around me. That can be really depressive. Rob is at a memorial birthday party today whereby one of his close friends is supposed to be having her 50th party but she passed away after a brave fight with cancer. People are gathered together today to recall her sweetness and things she did... What a sweet thing. When I die, I would love to have people gathered together and shared about how I have influenced their life at different times.

Steve was talking to me about the scare they had at Melbourne Central station yesterday with regards to a potential terrorist attack. A guy in his 20s behaved really strangely, when stopped by security, he yelled out that he will take them with him and dashed down and jumped into the railway tracks. Then he walked upwards the tracks... carrying a haversack. The security though there was going to be a bomb scare and people were dispersed and lots of havoc were raised. In the end, there was nothing too serious.

|4:39 PM|

Friday, August 25, 2006

{Feeling 100% now}

Annoying Charlie (not the boss of Bibo) pop off last night and he was such a pain. Honestly, he must be one of the dumbest person in the world. Nothing that comes out of his mouth makes any sense to me. Had a nice chat with Rob last night but got to know something pretty embarrassing :P. He went to bed rather early because he was feeling very tired.

He's still not feeling 100% yet so it's not that good to hear. Hope he feels better now. No mention of Miki because I can't be bothered honestly. No one else really matters. Will blog again after my interview because my day has been real boring so far. I should take some pics and start posting them on the blog.

|1:49 PM|

Thursday, August 24, 2006

{Feeling Sick}

I have been feeling sick for the last two days. Was planning to spend an entire wonderful afternoon shopping on Tue but got really sick while having lunch. That sort of ruins half of my day. Had to take some cold and flu medication and was drifting in and out of sleep a lot during the night. Had to wake up a couple of times to take more medication. Slept in a lot on the next day and met up with Rob at around 7plus after his work. A nice hot spa bath was all it took to make me feel a bit better but the cold tablets that Rob gave me must have been brilliant. I am feeling much better today! Hooray... Thank u sweetie.

|5:06 PM|

Monday, August 21, 2006

{Fantastic Day Out!}

Getting Ready To Go Out On My Birthday

This is Duke. A doggie soft toy from Rob. He wanted to get me a gift with a personal touch. It's indeed one with more than a personal touch ...

Wow... he actually managed to take time off his busy work schedule to take me out for the entire day. I enjoyed the day heaps. He came and picked me up at 2pm and we first went for a drive at Mt Buninyong which used to be a volcano and we had a lookout at the watching tower called the Alexandra Bell Memorial Lookout. It's a 10 meters flight of stairs and I was huffing and puffing by the time we got up there. Time just seems to fly when I am out with him. After that, we went for a short walk and then drove to the waterfalls (Lal Lal Falls) but it's a pity, there was no water at all. I think the drought has caused the place to dry up. His birthday is on the 3rd of March. I should remember it. Lol... We had a nice long chat at the waterfall lookout. He's so knowledgeable. He gave me a hug there and I was shy and pulled away. He's a really sweet guy...

After a long chat at the lookout, we head back to town for dinner. We went to the restaurant which overlooks the Lake Wendouree and it was a beautiful dinner with a great company. I just feel so much at ease when I am with him. He's so comfortable to be with and I am just who I am... After that, we took a walk along the lake. Beautiful and romantic night out where he held my hands. It was an unforgettable birthday.

|9:57 PM|

Sunday, August 20, 2006

{Happy Birthday To Me}

Happy Birthday to me! I'm getting older now by another year. Jesus, I am now 24 years old. Time to grow up and be more mature and sensible. This is the 1st birthday I am away from Minnie and Muffin for the last 4-5 years. I still remember the 1st birthday back in Singapore, a bunch of friends and I went out for dinner at Romano and all our furkids went with us. The food was Italian, pretty expensive meal but the environment was brilliant. Minnie and Muffin met up with a lot of "Singapore friends" for the 1st time. They had a great time.

The 2nd birthday I had back in Singapore was at Urban Pooch and I was honoured to had a lot of people coming to attend my birthday party. There was my "twin", ST and Dior my god daughter, Lynn and Tazy, Jenny and family, including Candy, Fiona (but never bring darling Kiki along), Michelle & bf with Niko, dearie, Jearlyn, Leah and bf with Xue er and Miu Miu etc (my apologies if I left anyone out because my memory is failing). Lol... I remember Muffin wanting to run out and play a few times but all of us had a great deal of fun. Dearie sent us home and then we went ktv with Michelle and her bf.

Now, it's counting down to the mins of my actual birthday. This year, it'll be the first one that Minnie and Muffin is not by my side. They always enjoy celebrating my birthday with me. God, I miss them so much... my beautiful gals.

|11:44 PM|

{Lazy Sunday}

Had a great time last night when I went out with Amanda. Justin only wanted to go to Club Q but it was closed by the time we got there (1am). Tried to get him to go with us to Rafters but he hates the clubbing scene so no choice, only Amanda and I head off. We tried to go to a few places like Irish Murphy and Thirsty Dog but they were all closed. Jesus... that's kind of early. Left with no other choice, we went back to Rafters. Saw Anthony out finally! He's not bad looking... but someone better was out there. Miki is such a sweet guy. He's so different from all the guys I know. All in all, we had a fantastic night out getting smashed. Keke...

|2:11 PM|

Saturday, August 19, 2006

{Dedicated to dearie}

Mentioning so much about dearie but haven't even posted a pic of the both of us together. Tata... see how cute and pretty she is... She's every guy's dream gal and there's the one that doesn't appreciate her as much as she deserves. Dearie is still nursing a broken heart now and I hate to see her in such misery. I would do anything to take her pain away if I can. She's been there for me when I went thru some rough patches with men and she was the one who spoke to me at the early mornings of 3am when I miss home and is heartbroken. Dearie, everything will be ok soon. Keep your chin up. I am always here for you.

Dearie with Michelle at Muffin's 3rd birthday party at Worlds' Apart...

|10:01 PM|

{Pre- Birthday Dinner}

John, Angela and Steve came up to Thai Fusion and had a pre- birthday dinner with me. It was an excellent meal and we all had our fill. However, not much conversation flowed between Steve and me. He looked a bit tired and seems to talk to John more about football and stuff. I think the message is pretty clear. If I am not mistaken, he's currently seeing someone. Never mind. I should just give up and never ever think of him otherwise again. It's great catching up with all the 3 of them though. It was really sweet of them. They got me an Elizabeth Arden Red Door perfume. Muah...

Just think of the fun I would be having later. Tania hurt her back so she can't go out with us tonight. Think it'll just be Amanda and me. Maybe do a club crawl. Keke...

|9:13 PM|

{Night Fever}

Talking to dearie last night and knowing that she's going through a rough patch with Ryan seems to put a lot of things into place. I read her blog this morning and realised that I am in a very similar predicament. Always waiting and waiting for the long awaited sms or phone call from him but most of the time, it brings along disappointment and destroys the dash of hope that I ever had. Dearie has made her decision and I am always going to be there for her. It's great that she's finally had a chance to talk to Ryan. That usually makes an end to a misery but for me, the talk seems to just put a start to mine. Haha...

Maybe I am indeed asking too much because his busy work schedule doesn't permit him to see me much but honestly, I think that he should make more effort to sms me. I have decided to be as brave as dearie and not make any initial contact. It's just too tiring.

After yet another night of disappointing wait for him to stop over before heading home, he sms me saying that he'll be driving straight home. He lives more than a 100km away from me but it's no reason why he can't come and see me before going home. It's been more than a week since I last saw him. Never mind that... I just enjoy his company and talking to him. Anyway, being sick and tired of forever getting my hopes dashed, I went out for tea with Charlie, the owner of Bibo and a few other restaurants. Met his 2 labs as well. Not a bad night out. He's got a cool looking heated spa as well. Came home close to midnight and had a good sleep in till 10.30am this morning.

Having a lazy day today. Tried on a top that I am going to wear out for dinner with Steve and John and Angela tonight. Needs a proper bra straps. Lol... Tonight should be fun, I hope. Going out for tea with Steve, John and Angela and then a night out with Amanda and hopefully, Tania.

While I am blogging anyway, I will introduce you to Amanda and Tania whom should be going out with me tonight... Isn't Amanda pretty?

|12:49 PM|

Friday, August 18, 2006

{Expected Outcome}

Although I do understand how busy his working schedule is, I am not quite sure if he is putting in any effort to come and see or talk to me after all. Yesterday, he was supposed to come over after his conference but got held up. We planned to talk online but didn't do so. Today was a less stressful day but the weather outside was cold and damp. A depressive weather. Was hoping to catch up with him but didn't again. Another day of disappointment swept in. This just got me thinking that maybe I am really not suited to this sort of lifestyle. A forever waiting and pending lifestyle with no absolute answers.

Some other guys show more effort in catching up with me and although I don't enjoy their company as much, it gets me thinking that if he really wants to catch up? Is it really because of his work? I have decided not to get my hopes high anymore and I should restrain my feelings. Never ever wanna get hurt... Although he has made it crystal clear about his work committment, it's just hard for me not to be affected at all.

Monday is an important day to me. He promises to have dinner with me on Mon night. Let's just see if it happens. If it does, then it's still worth having a go. If not, then I will let things cool off.

Never mind, going out for dinner with Charlie. Hope that it'll be fun. He's going to cook me a meal in his restaurant.

|5:59 PM|

{Damn It}

Holy shit... Woke up finding that it's the time of the month. Damn it! I was looking forward to having a good night out on sat and then this shit has to happen. Sob sob... It's pathetic. Somemore I need to go out and buy some bras later. Haiz...

|11:04 AM|

Thursday, August 17, 2006

{Girl Vs Woman}

Read this from my fren's blog... cool~ jus share it around. sometimes... how true~

Girls leave their schedule wide-open and wait for a guy to call and make plans.
Grown women make their own plans and nicely tell the guy to get in where he fits

Girls want to control the man in their life.
Grown women know that if he's truly hers, he doesnt need controlling.

Girls check you for not calling them.
Grown women are too busy to realize you hadnt.

Girls are afraid to be alone.
Grown women revel in it using it as a time for personal growth.

Girls ignore the good guys.
Grown women ignore the bad guys.

Girls make you come home.
Grown women make you want to come home.

Girls worry about not being pretty and/or good enough for their man.
Grown women know that they are pretty and/or good enough for any man.

Girls try to monopolize all their man's time (i.e., dont want him hanging with his friends).
Grown women realize that a little bit of space makes the together time even more special and goes to kick it with her own friends.

Girls think a guy crying is weak.
Grown women offer their shoulder and a tissue.

Girls want to be spoiled and tell their man so.
Grown women show him and make him comfortable enough to reciprocate without fear of losing his manhood.

Girls get hurt by one man and make all men pay for it.
Grown women know that that was just one man.

Girls fall in love and chase aimlessly after the object of their affection, ignoring all signs.
Grown women know that sometimes the one you love, dont always love you back and move on, without bitterness.

Girls will read this and get an attitude.
Grown women will read this and pass it on to other Grown women and their male friends.

Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail

|8:53 PM|

{Expectations in life}

When I was little, I was absorbed in loneliness, what could I do?
How many phone calls, it's how lonely and miserable I was
It was whatever I wanted, however I wanted it
No matter what I did, I didn't need to see the results
Embracing all my expectations
Eliminated by the true face of reality
Then I realized time doesn't wait for me
I need self-love, to turn over a new leaf
I'll be resolute through all the toils, I only want to give myself a beautiful future
Then I realize, I don't know how to get past the present
So I have to choose: to be heartbroken or happy?
To believe in myself, or blame myself? Ask myself what I want
Even if I don't know what sort of colors the future will bring
Even if I lose everything, at least I have the choice
Rising from bed every day, Mama would keep me company
Doraemon would play on the TV, for me to enjoy
But now it's not the same, Mama lives far away
That show, Doraemon, is no longer airing...
So I will choose not to be heartbroken, but happy
I'll believe in myself, not blame myself; I'll cherish every moment
Even if I don't know what sort of colors the future will bring
Even if I lose everything
At least I have the choice
I hear my own deep breath accompanying my footsteps as I walk
I don't know where my goal is, I only know I want to keep walking forward nonstop
I can't find news of you when I'm cherishing it
Perhaps there's no way to bear it, but I won't wait around
So I need to choose: to be heartbroken or happy?
To believe in myself, or blame myself? Ask myself what I want
Even if I don't know what sort of colors the future will bring
Even if I lose everything, I can still choose

|8:50 PM|

{Sentimental Feelings Washes Over Me}

Got a call from him today saying he'll be joining us for tea on sat night. I am not sure if I should be feeling excited, surprised or just emptiness. Did our weekly shopping today. Feeling a bit exhausted. Shopping is never easy if it's grocery shopping. I prefer clothes shopping or even window shopping. Lol...

Silly me... I was missing Minnie and Muffin so much that on impulse, I collected 42 pictures of them (from baby till now) and went to develop them all. I wanted to do a collage of them, my precious loves. Show u all a sneak preview of some of the pictures I am going to have inside it. I hope that I will eventually get around to doing it and not be lazy and half hearted.

|3:56 PM|

Sunday, August 13, 2006

{How I wish...}

Anyone knows what it feels like to not be in a comfortable warm bed for about a month? Nothing is better than being tucked up in a nice warm bed with a blanket on me. I am still sleeping in the lounge in Justin and Amanda's house. They're great people but honestly. sleeping on the couch is not the most comfortable thing in the world.

Rob just broke the unhappy news to me. Are we still friends?

|4:00 PM|

{Overwhelming Feelings}

5 Aug
Another day that is filled with an aching of loneliness and emptiness. Why? Sometimes, I really wonder if I have made the right decision to come back to Australia but now that I have, I am determined to make things work. I should prevail and not give up but is it that easy? I remember the day that I left everyone back home on the 12 July 06. I was actually really touched by everyone who came and sees me off. Trying to be strong, I held back my tears and tell myself that my future has everything to look forward to. Thank you dearie (Jes, who is Minnie & Muffin god mum), Alicia, Josie, Byron and Vivien for coming to see me off. I am not good with farewells so might appear as a bit of standoffish when I bid everyone a goodbye. I miss all of you heaps, especially Minnie and Muffin. My heart is aching with a throbbing pain whenever I think of your cute faces. I love you, my babies. Be good gals and remember that you're always in my mind.

P.S/ The first time I met Rob is 27/7 but I feel like I've known him for ages.

|3:24 PM|