* % The sunrise is simply beautiful .. #* It gets more beautiful when you're here beside me

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

{Missing In Action}

It's been a week since I last put in any entries in my blog. I have been busy with moving into my new place and now, it's all completed. I have moved into my own little place with the help of a few friends and had just got my internet connection. This last week has been a sweet but tiring week for me. Have spent almost everyday with Fran. He's really sweet and by coincidence, his ex was my uni friend. Being so close with him for the last week has allowed me to get to know the different sides of him and he's very different from most guys. The way I feel about him is something that I have never felt before. However, I am not going to elaborate because I won't want to jinx anything. He's been a constant source of support and help to me! I really appreciate everything...

My mum told me that Muffin still isn't getting along with my dad. She's more cranky nowadays and seems to flare up easily. Quite snappish at times and unpredictable. Always gloomy and depressed. My dad threatened to get rid of her but she's my precious. No way I will let him do that!!! I miss her so much. I wonder if she's behaving the way she is because she misses me too???

Missing heaps (So much so that it's hurting me...)
I miss Minnie and Muffin (Sorry I didn't mentioned Maia because a blog is supposed to reflect true honesty)
I miss my twin (Everything about her, esp her presence)
I miss my close friends, esp Jes and Byron (Jes for the shopping and chi chats while Byron to watch movies with me)
I miss my good friends, esp Jenny and Josie who always listens to me and helps to share my woes and keeps my spirits up
I miss my family (my mum especially though she nags a lot at me. No matter what, I know that she truly cares about me and is always there for me)

|3:02 PM|

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

{Slacking Off...}

Jesus, time really flies. I have been slacking. I used to blog at least every couple of days but I haven't done so since last Fri. Wow... almost 4 days since I last did. I guess it's because there's not a lot that I have to update. I had a fantastic weekend though I didn't eventually head off to Torquay. I decided not to be such a tease and lead Rich on. It's fair enough, I guess. But I still managed to had the most amazing weekend, spending it with someone cute. Maybe I won't divulge his name just as yet as I don't want to confuse everyone with all the different names at the moment. Haha... if the time is ever ripe, I might!

I have found a new place to move into. I am going to be so flat out this entire week. My schedule is filled to the brim....

|6:38 PM|

Friday, September 15, 2006

{Gloomy Friday}

Even though it's a beautiful day here, I'm feeling down.

I was disappointed about my own underachievements and have let my parents and twin down...

Spoken to Colin about my salary. He promises to resolve it soon. I hope so~~~

Had a wonderful time catching up with Rob last night.

Supposed to go to Torquay today for the weekend but Amanda and Justin thinks it's a teaser to do that with a guy whom u have no intention to be with.

|6:25 PM|

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

{Predictable Men...}

Was talking to him about our walk around the lake tomorrow. I asked him to go shopping after that, knowing how much he hates shopping. Initially, he says ok if it's for a little while (letting me twist him at his arm) and then our conversation drifted to what I plan to shop for and the topic lingerie came up and he immediately brighten up saying he'll gladly go shopping with me the entire day. How predictable of men... Letting their imagination run wild.

|7:43 PM|

{Anticipation...}

Maia went home last night and her 2 sisters weren't exactly rapt to see her even though it's been a week since they last saw them but she seems quite pleased to see them, particularly Muffin. My twin brought Dior along and Muffin was more excited to see Dior than her own little sister. What a strange little gal, my baby Muffin.

I'm eagerly awaiting some news to come through on Fri and I really appreciate all the assistance, understanding, encouragements and listening ear that my twin has been providing me so far. She's been there for me all these while and has listened to all my woes and worries without ever being judgemental. She's the best friend anyone can ever have. Dear, you'll definetly be the first one I informed when I get any news about that! Wish me luck.

Supposed to be spending my weekend at Torquay, a holiday house by the beach. Sounds interesting?

|6:12 PM|

Monday, September 11, 2006

{The Start of the Week}

Time flies when one's enjoying themself. I had a wonderful weekend and before I know it, it's back to cold Ballarat again. Ballarat, the country town that I live in is a nice little place, apart from the weather. It's colder than most parts of Victoria. Today was a nice start for me. Had a good night's rest and woke up feeling pretty fresh. Though the rest of the day was pretty uneventful and boring, I had a good night out with Thomas. Went out for tea and a few drinks at a pub because he was feeling a bit stress up at work. Guess work is never easy. Glad to be a listening ear for a change. Lol... He's always been there for me and it's time that I'm there for him instead. Haha... Might catch up with Rob sometime this week as well.

I think it's true what people says when you open up your heart to different things in the world. Suddenly you realised that somethings that you deemed as important isn't quite as important as it may seems and some feelings that you have doesn't runs as deep as you thought it might be. That's the amazing part of life. Unpredictable and when you realised that what you've felt or been doing isn't what it really is, realisation dawns on you and a total transition occurs.

Tomorrow is going to be a nice day so a walk around the lake with a great company and then a nice picnic seems like the ideal way to spend an afternoon. Will I get around doing that? Keep in tune to find out more.

|11:06 PM|

Friday, September 08, 2006

{Cold Morning}

The cold breeze in my room woke me up this morning. Actually, it's the sms from Charlie that woke me up. He's up at Falls Creek now. Told me there's not much snow and it's not worth going skiing at this time of the year. What a coincidence. I was actually planning to go there last weekend as Richard was telling me that it's the only place left that has decent amount of snow.

Charlie was so surprised when I replied his sms that he rang me back. Lol... He thought I would never get back (I have to admit that I don't try my best). Am I so aloof and cold? Didn't think so till he reminded me that. Never mind, I should make more effort to show a bit more interest to people around me. Haha... I don't wanna appear as a snob. I agreed to go out with him for a drink next week (if I can be bothered). Keke... talking about putting in more effort.

|10:00 AM|

Thursday, September 07, 2006

{Things have come to an open...}

I just had a chat with Rob. Things have finally come to a clear stand. He managed to find my blog admist all the blogs in the world and told me clearly how he feels. He doesn't want a long term committments and doesn't want to hurt me so he made things clear to me. Although I do feel a tinge of pain, I am glad that it's all out in the open. It's an understanding that we both finally came to and I've decided the best thing for me is to back off. I don't want to be hurt and backing off is the best thing for me at the moment. I did tell him that we can be friends and would like us to be friends. That's what I truly feel. Rob, I'll be happy for you whatever you do. I'm really glad that Rob was so truthful to me and I really appreciate it. At least I am in better control of my emotions and can put my thoughts in touch again.

Thanks a lot again Thomas for coming to my rescue. Sorry I always rang u in the middle of the night whenever I am feeling down and make you come over with a last min phone call. Sorry sweetie...

|9:00 PM|

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

{Sweetest Act of Kindness}

I mentioned in my previous posting that my twin went over to visit my gals and let Dior play with her favourite Muffin jie jie last night. The act of going all the way over to my house on purpose is already going out of her way as we don't live that close to each other. It's a fair distance to drive to and from my place. Furthermore, my twin did more than just visit my gals and let Muffin play with her favourite Dior. ST knew the circumstances surrounding my family and Minnie and Muffin and thus, she went out of her way to help me out. For someone who isn't very good with words, ST did the most amazing thing for us. She knew about my worries about my gals food and supplements and she went over to my place with bagfuls of food and supplements for my gals. This is an act that touches my heart deeply. I really don't know how to express my heartfelt gratitude. It's one of the nicest and sweetest thing that anyone could have done for me. Thanks a lot, twin. I really appreciate everything that you've done for me and 3Ms. You're the best!

P.S/ Rob is a bit cold towards me again. Or maybe it's just the sms. I don't know but now knowing that he's much better, I might not make any contact again and leave things up to him.

|4:44 PM|

{Dior's Unhappy Intrusion}

Last night, my Twin went over to my place and took Maia home for a short vacation. Muffin and Dior was so happy when they see each other, like long lost relatives but Dior was less rapt to see Maia. Guess that's what they called chemistry. I wonder how Minnie and Muffin is reacting with suddenly one less member of the family. I'm going to find out from my mum later on... keke. However, as everyone could see, Dior isn't really rapt to have a visitor over at her own cosy home. My twin told me that Dior was feeling miserable. When everyone at her house was looking at Maia, Dior will just hide in one corner. Lol... This is definetly jealousy. As the picture could tell, Dior was so miserable having a new addition in her own playpen. Will update more later :-p

|11:30 AM|

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

{My Twin}

Sometimes in life, it takes more than distance and hurdles to see through a real friendship. A real friendship is when both parties are there for each other through the good and bad times. This is easier said than done. Leaving Singapore to come to Australia has allowed me to learn even more about the people around me. I learnt to realise the ones that are always there for me irregardless of the different situation that I am in. Having said this, my "twin", ST would be the best example.

ST and I got to know each other at the end of 2004 through work. By coincidence, both her and I are the only Singaporeans who joined a China firm based in Singapore. Further coincidence showed that the both of us have been educated in Aus (she in Perth and I in Melb), born on the same day, same month and same year with only 10 mins apart between the both of us and at the same place. Having said this, it's a coincidence that doesn't occur very often. I think fate played a huge part in bringing us together.

Through work, we got to bond with each other as we're the only Singaporeans at work and we share similar interests. Although we're quite different in a lot of ways, we managed to always come to a compromise in difficult situations. ST has always been there for me during my down periods and she's the one that understands the most about my situation, in many sense. My family situation is one that I am not comfortable discussing but ST is the one that I confide in whenever I have problems, including with my family. Our friendship started to prosperous right from the start. We even went into partnership of a pet clothings and accessories business, called Perky Paws and found our little mascot, Dior who is now my precious god daughter.

Now that I am over here in Aus, ST has been my pillar of strength right from the start. She's been the one who encourages me to take the venture and not to easily give up. Apart from that, she's always been there when I need someone to talk to and when I am feeling bleak about my life here in Aus. Whenever I have a dilema about whether I have made the right decision to come to Aus, ST has been a great source of support in asking me not to give up easily. Most important of all, she's one of the few friends who has been there for my gals and I, despite the fact that I am away in Aus.

I honestly don't know how to express my heartfelt grattitude to her for everything that she has done for Minnie, Muffin, Maia and me. I love you, gal. Remember that no matter what happens, our friendship / sisterhood will last till the end of time and I will always be there for you. Also remember that you can always confide in me and trust that I am never going to leave ur side.

|8:33 AM|

Monday, September 04, 2006

{Celine Dion- Tell Him}

Thank you babe. Josie has been there for me while I am going through the turmoils of my feelings here in Aus and what I should be doing. She told me that I should listen to this song and I do think it perfectly describes my current feelings. Thanks a lot babe for listening to my woes for so long and having to put up with me for being such a pain. Here's the lyrics to the song.

I'm scared
So afraid to show I care
Will he think me weak
If I tremble when I speak
Oooh - what if
There's another one he's thinking of
Maybe he's in love
I'd feel like a fool
Life can be so cruel
I don't know what to do
I've been there
With my heart out in my hand
But what you must understand
You can't let the chance
To love him pass you by
Tell him
Tell him that the sun and moon rise in his eyes
Reach out to him
And whisper tender words so soft and sweet
I'll hold him close to feel his heart beat

Love will be the gift you give yourself
Touch him (ooohh)
With the gentleness you feel inside(I feel it)
Your love can't be denied
The truth will set you free
You'll have what's meant to be
All in time you'll see

OoohhI love him(then show him)
Of that much I can be sure(hold him close to you)
I don't think I could endure
If I let him walk away
When I have so much to say
Tell him
Tell him that the sun and moon rise in his eyes
Reach out to him
And whisper tender words so soft and sweet
Hold him close to feel his heart beat
Love will be the gift you give yourself

Love is light that surely glows
In the hearts of those who know
It's a steady flame that grows (oh ooh oh oh)
Feed the fire with all the passion you can show
Tonight love will assume its place
This memory time cannot erase
Your faith will lead love where it has to go
Tell him
Tell him that the sun and moon rise in his eyes
Reach out to him and whisper
Whisper words so soft and sweet
Hold him close to feel his heart beat
Love will be the gift you give yourself
ooh ooh ooh
Never let him go

|9:59 PM|

{My Resolution Is Softening...}

Had a pretty eventful day today. Went for a walk down the streets with Amanda and we both bought some liquor and did some shopping. Got my jobseeker number and had to meet up with the Job network people tomorrow at 11am. At least I got most of my stuff worked out.

Even though my resolution has been pretty strong (I haven't contacted Rob since Sat night), an sms from him just now soften my touch. Am I doing the right thing? I broke my own promise not to ever contact him back again. I was worried. He's been in the hospital.

Today has been a mourning day for a lot of people. Steve Irwin died. He got stung by a stingray while he was filming a documentary. He's been a real character in many countries and he'll be greatly remembered by lots of people around him. It's so sad...

|7:09 PM|

{Men Are Hard To Please}

Got this email from a friend and I think it's pretty cool so thought I'll share it...

The problems with GUYS:
If u TREAT him nicely, he says u are IN LOVE with him;
If u Don't, he says u are PROUD.
If u DRESS Nicely, he says u are trying to LURE him;
If u Don't, he says u are from KAMPUNG.
If u ARGUE with him, he says u are STUBBORN;
If u keep QUIET, he says u have no BRAINS.
If u are SMARTER than him,he'll lose FACE;
If he's Smarter than u, he is GREAT.
If u don't Love him, he tries to POSSESS u;
If u Love him, he will try to LEAVE u.(very true huh?)
If u tell him your PROBLEM, he says u are TROBLESOME;
If u don't, he says that u don't TRUST him.
If u SCOLD him, u are like a NANNY to him;
If he SCOLDS u, it is because he CARES for u.
If u BREAK your PROMISE, u Cannot be TRUSTED;
If he BREAKS his,he is FORCED to do so.
If u SMOKE, u are BAD girl;
If he SMOKES, he is GENTLEMENT.
If u do WELL in your exams, he says it's LUCK;
If he does WELL, it's BRAINS.
If u HURT him, u are CRUEL;
If he HURTS u, u are too SENSITIVE!! (sooo hard to please!!!!!)
If u send this to guys, they will swear that it's not true.......?

|5:27 PM|

Saturday, September 02, 2006

{Learning to let go}

Deep within myself, I think I have the answers already but I was just not ready to face up to reality. However, sometimes facts are cruel. He was sick for the last couple of days. I tried to ring him twice yesterday but he didn't picked up or rang back. Today, he sms me saying that he just went to a doc again and despite my resolution about not smsing him again, I went against my own advise. I texted him back and even sms him a few more times throughout the day just to see how he is doing. But again, there's no reply from him.

I must not sms or contact him again. Please be stronger, Chris!

Anyway, Thomas, thanks a lot for the wonderful night last night. Thanks for listening to me when I was feeling down.

|10:33 PM|

{Dedicated to all my love ones in Singapore, esp Minnie and Muffin}

When the cherryblossom colors flutter,
I am alone
Standing exhausted, I can't cut off these feelings bottled up inside.
When the color of new leaves shake, feelings overflow,
I lost sight of everything and drifted towards you.
The trees around us told us in silence
That we would both see:
People don't have to be limited to one place
When the withering leaves change color, I am next to you
And as the passing days fade, my love for you would never change.
But please, let these trees protect these feelings
Silently rustling leaves above us,
Just one more time..Before long, the seasons will pass
And we will be together again.

But right now, there's only one thing I know
Embrace me, silently covered by the snow, t
The feelings get lost
The footprints vanish, sounds disappear in vain
But please, let these trees protect these feelings
So that, frozen in eternity, we may live on here.
The trees around us told us in silence
That we would both see:
People don't have to be limited to one place
When the cherryblossom colors flutter,
I'm alone here thinking deeply about all of you.
Savoring my thoughts of you

P.S/ Remember that mummy never stops loving you my dearest Minnie, Muffin and Maia. Mummy can't wait to be back home with you girls. Till then, let's hold all the precious thoughts within us and we'll see each other soon.

|10:24 PM|

Friday, September 01, 2006

{Realisation finally dawned on me}

I think reality has finally hit me. I do understand things in a different perspective now. I tried ringing him twice today to see how he's feeling but both times he didn't picked up. Once was just after I received an sms from him. I just wanted to ask him how he was feeling but by not picking up the call, I think I have understood what it means. It's not convenient. He's really sick today, having diarrohea and has been throwing up but not sick enough to prevent him from logging on. I guess it just signifies what I've always thought. There's another part of him that is always going to be a mystery to me. This is enough. It's pretty tiring to go on like this. I am forever guessing if there's another part of him that I don't know of and if he's serious about things. I am going to give up. I will not ever contact him again. Maybe when the time is right, we might be able to have a chat but I am worried about being hurt so withdrawing is the only way out. I have to get away. However cruel it might seems, I'm only going to email him from now on till he gets better and I will stop. This is a form of determination I never felt before...

|8:51 PM|

{Jinxed by my words?}

Oh no... I was just mentioning to Rob yesterday that nothing is more important than his health and he shouldn't be overworking himself and he felt sick yesterday and had to see the doctor's today. I think this is the first time I heard him going to the doctor. It must be pretty serious... I hope he feels better soon. I feel terrible that just after what I said, he fell ill. Hope I didn't jinxed him.

Went for a swim yesterday with Thomas. I actually managed to do 8 laps to and from. Wow... considering I haven't swam for a while and my stamina isn't that great. Jolene and Glen came over to visit me last night. It was wonderful when we had a nice dinner together at Thai Fusion. It seems to be one of my favourite place. It's so good catching up with them and talking about life back in Singapore, especially about Minnie and Muffin. I miss them so much, esp my precious Muffin. Maybe when I've really settled down, I should seriously considered bringing the both of them back here with me.

This is just an update of what happened yesterday... Will blog again soon if anything interesting happens today. Maybe I should give Rob a ring later to see how he's feeling...

|11:47 AM|