Ups&downs

In Loving Memory of Mr Tan Teow Seng

2008-03-10T18:16:00.012+11:00

This is a tribute to a very important person in my life. He played a very crucial role in helping to mould my attitude in life, work and other aspects. Without his guidance, I would have been a lost sheep in a flock and could never have learnt so much in life. He taught me more than work itself. He helped me to identify what is important in life and his selflessness has been more than an eye opener...

I remember the time we first met in the Innovative conference room... You were sitting down alone with seriousness in your eyes. The deadline is close. The IBS 2004 is just round the corner and there are serious matters to be organised in a limited time.... You came across as someone that is very stern and serious to me. Would you be approachable? Would we get along? Thousands of thoughts were running through my mind....

It didn't take long for us to click. For me to understand your meaning behind your stern strict face. All you wanted was to educate and teach me things. There are many reasons behind things you do and the more I get to know you, the more I realised. The hidden meanings and the beautiful teachings. You taught me a lot and allowed me to make mistakes. Mistakes that could turn out to be gravely but because of your willingness to let go, I learnt to be more independent and make decisions on my own. Without you, my first couple of years in the society would have been very superficial. Thank you for the faith and trust that you had in me.

Your death came as a sudden news to all those around you. All those that grieve for you. Byron told me the reason: 他是癌症复发,外加胆上长瘤,压迫胆管，后来做手术插入一个导管，将废物排外体外，但因细菌感染，反反复复发烧，最终致死的原因，不是因为癌症复发，是因为细菌感染. That was such a shock to me.

The following are three different tributes to my beloved Mentor:

Watching as the days goes by

Touching the heart whose those had cried

Photos of memories will be in mind

Never will your legacy die

Existing in the time of you and mine

Tears, with which that can't be dried

Sadly missed by all who remains

Grateful for the chance of knowing you

Waiting for the time to be reunite

Goodbye my dear mentor!

You've been more than just a passerby

Not in my life. Not in time.

It'll never be a real goodbye.

Till we meet again is right.

Fond memories of you will live

In the hearts of all that that seems....

My time has come

I am at rest

I am the sunset in the West

I am the clouds that race above

Watching over those I love

May your candles burn brightly

In the darkness of the sky

Showing the path that I have light

Today we all cry

Tomorrow we all smile

As memories of you flood through our minds

Knowing you are now enjoying your afterlife with style

You will be sadly missed

In our deams, we will meet

In our hearts, you will remain

Till the end, our devotion to you will never end.

I am thankful for the time that I had with you. Grateful for the chance to have met you. Lessons learnt and opportunities given. Opportunities that would never knocked twice on the door. Thank you for everything, Mr Tan. You will live in my heart forever.

Disappointment!

2008-02-13T16:51:00.002+11:00

Why is life fill with disappointment? Maybe it's because people have expectations. What do you do in situations where you rely on a good friend who gives you her words and then never ever make any effort to keep in touch to let u know about the updates? I am grateful for the fact that she has offered to help and is willing to do so but now that time is running out, I am left with not much alternative. To relieve myself of some financial burden, a kind and good friend of mine offered her dad's time share apartment in Qld to me so that I can stay there during my brother's graduation. I was so touched and grateful.... In order for things to be processed with plenty of time, I gave her the full details of everything by Nov 07 and the stay was to be in July 08.

A lot of things happened in her family. Her grandma got sick and died recently in Jan. It is a hard time for her family to go through but till date, her dad hasn't been able to get in touch with the time share resort. I know I shouldn't be relying on her totally but because she and her dad has given me their words and assurance in the beginning, I did not bother to search for alternate accomodation. Today, I was informed that I might have to look for alternate accomodation. The problem is July is school holidays and most places have been either booked out or they are not within my budget range. The cheapest I can find is more than 1.8k for a week's stay....

There's no committment on her part to help me at all. She doesn't have to at all but because of her words, I didn't feel the need to look for alternate accomodation. Because of that, I am now at a disadvantage. I can't find any accomodation at an affordable rate and most of them are fully booked out anyway.

What a let down! I know she's not oblidged to help me at all but isn't a promise supposed to be worth more than gold itself???

Merry Christmas 2007

2007-12-25T15:17:00.000+11:00

Dear friends,

Haven't been updating my blog for a long time. I did went home for 3 weeks before starting my new job and got to spend some time with my precious babies. I miss them so much and I still miss Muffin heaps. Only a couple of nights before, I cried myself to sleep because of how much I miss her. She's the most wonderful dog in the world and is really special to me. She loves me truly, madly and deeply.... unlike the others (lol....)

Work has been so hectic. I am working close to 50 hours per week and only get paid for 40 (Management don't get OT). However, I am getting to learn a lot of new things and making new friends.

Anyway, Merry Christmas to all my dear friends! Hope the new year brings you lots of blessings and happiness. Have a wonderful new year and best wishes.

Updates!

2007-10-09T15:14:00.000+10:00

In my previous posting which I did in a real hurry, I didn't elaborate much. The photos in my previous posting is of my lao si, a black pomeranian. She shares the same birthday as my brother. Her name is Sooty and apparently, black is very rare in pomeranians. She certainly gets her fair share of compliments whenever we take her out.

Sooty is a very amazing puppy. She was toilet trained in 2 weeks and has won a few competitions that were held in expos and by Pet Stock. She won two First Places and two 2nd Places in the compeittions she entered and she only entered 4. Lol... she won something in everything she entered. Initially, we both decided that she'll never be allowed to sleep on our beds but we didn't really stick to that. She's now sleeping with us most nights except on the nights when she decided that she wants her own space. Keke.... Sooty is a very independent dog who likes her own space and time on her own. She will run into the bedroom and go to her own bed whenever she needs her own space. Very cat- like independent behaviour.

Enough about my new addition. I've been offered a position as an Assistant Manager in a retail shop and I am very likely to accept that job. It offers better security than my current one and has better prospects. However, it would also mean a downgrade in my salary. But the way I am trying to look at it: No Pain, No Gain. I hope that in the long run, this would turn out to be a smarter choice.
If I do, I might be able to go home for a short holiday to see my family. That is what I really hope to achieve but with different complications at the moment, it might not happen! What should I do? The company is offering me 2 alternatives. 1. Take the job that has a better prospect in the short term and disappoint everyone in Sg that is really looking forward to my return. 2. Take the job that starts on the 18 Nov and go home for a holiday.

To be honest, I am in a dilemna now. Not sure which one I should take. Logically, I would have taken the better prospect one but I really miss Minnie and Muffin, not forgetting my best friends and my family. What should I do?

Hello Everyone....

2007-10-02T20:25:00.000+10:00

Hi dear friends,

My apologies for not updating my blog for almost half a year. It's indeed been a long time. Hmmm... where should I start and what should I say. Firstly, I want to apologise to all my dear friends whom I didn't manage to catch up with during my trip home in June. I was home for only 2 weeks and got sick for one.

Lovely Surprise

2007-04-23T22:17:00.000+10:00

Dear Friends,
My apologies for not updating my blog for so long. I have been quite busy with work and the last thing that I usually want to do is come home and use the computer. Life has been hectic but fulfilling. I can't say that i have achieved much in my one year here in Aus (Yes! Almost one year.... July would be a year) but it has been a liberating experience. I am still the loner that I've always been and find that without Minnie and Muffin, it's even harder for me to make friends. Through my gals, I got to know a lot of great friends such as ST (though I know you more through work, keke), Jes & Josie. All these are the friendships that I would carry deep within my heart and never forget. I find it even harder to make friends here in Aus as I am an introvert by nature. However, I have a good friend here, Nina who is currently pursuing her PhD in Psychology. She has been a great pillar of support for me through the darker times when I just feel like giving up.

Jes babe, I've received your parcel. You don't know how touched I am to know that I'm always in your mind. I can honestly say the same for you. My thoughts are constantly on you and RNB of course. I really appreciate the gifts very much and they're such lovely gifts. I would treasure them always. Thanks a lot! It has been the most lovely surprise and it cheer my mood up tremendously. Thanks a lot babe for being such a good friend.

Twin dear, thanks for everything that you've done for me and my gals. I know I've mentioned that like a hundred million times but honestly, words can't express my gratitude for everything you've done.

Love you gals and I miss you all a lot! More than words can say.... I can't wait to see you and for us to bring our bao beis out! Take care! Love you!

Disappointing CNY

2007-02-09T00:35:00.000+11:00

Due to the tight schedule in my work, I have disappointed my babies, family and friends back home in Singapore. I promised everyone that I would be home but I can't be. I have rescheduled my flight to 1st of June. I hope that my dearest would forgive me.... Sorry to all my dearests that I have disappointed, especially Muffin.

Life here is still boring and not much is going on apart from work. Fran and I are getting along better now. Hmm.... I've also just bought a new car. It's a Hyundai Accent sedan. Will try to update a pic when I can.

Better get to bed soon as it's close to 1am here now. Take care of yourselves to everyone I care for back home.... and thanks for being there for me.

The Past One Month

2007-01-04T18:48:00.000+11:00

In the last month, a few things have happened in my life. Fran and Irescued a little kitten and her name is Padme. We found her near a big bin and she was only less than 5 weeks old. We took her to the RSPCA and they told me that they would put her down because she's too skinny and too young. Might not have a chance of finding a good home. I was so shocked and handing in a life to be put down would not be agreeable to my morales so I told Fran that we should take her home and I will try to find a home for her. Coincidentally, Fran's son fell in love with her at first sight and that is how Padme landed in a good home and I can still see her all the time. The first 2 pics were taken when we first bought her home. She's a really adorable sweet little kitten.

On Christmas day, I spent it with a group of friends in the morning and then rushed home in the evening and spent it with Fran and his sons. The pics of me and him were taken during Christmas day....

Happy New Year

2007-01-04T13:17:00.000+11:00

Happy New Year to all my darlings back home. How's everyone been? My apologies for not updating my blog for so long. One of my new year resolution would be to update it more regularly. A lot has been going on in my life. I will try to blog again tonight as I need to rush back to work now. Take care everyone and may the new year bring prosperity and happinesses everywhere.

Too Good To Be True?

2006-12-09T23:52:00.000+11:00

Is there such thing as a life that is too good to be true? Just when I thought that my life is becoming a smooth sail, things have to crop up. Fran and I had a minor confrontation tonight and I drove home at 11.30pm, against his wishes. Am I being too hard on myself or him? Why do I feel like I am always the 3rd party? I know how much he loves his sons and I am trying my best to help out whenever I can but no matter what I do, he always still seems upset at somethings. Although he reassured me that he's not upset with me, why do I still have the feeling that he is? Bloody hell, it must be the heat. It was a hot day today and it is still really hot and muggy outside. Nothing seems to be going right today and everything is just a mess. Am I intruding too much into his space? God, I really don't know and is so confused and upset at the moment to think. I think I have fallen for him and maybe my feelings are just running too deep. Shit, that sucks.

Dedicated to all my dear friends

2006-11-09T22:43:00.000+11:00

Firstly, I would like to apologise for not blogging for so long. I have been either having problems logging into my blog or have been away. Good news my dear friends. I have found a new job. It's a sales consultant job for a water filtration company. It's not a bad job at all but it's pretty tiring. It's a lot of direct marketing involved.

We had an intense one weekend training and the company put me up in a nice hotel with a nice bath for the entire time. I had a ball of the time and it's a great experience. Being one of the few female consultants has its benefits too. Lol... The guys tends to take care of me a bit more and help me out a bit more. Now I am back to my own region and has to go about doing my sales alone, with weekly mentoring from my sales manager. Hope I will do well in it!

Apart from that, my social life has been pretty normal. Fran and I have talked things out and I have mistaken him. We are now back to normal. In fact, we didn't even part for more than a day. That night itself, we managed to clear our issues up so it's all good now. Rob, the vet and I are good friends now and we still do see each other often (about once a week on average).

I would like to thank my dear friends for all their concerns. From the time that I didn't msn or blog much, I heard from a lot of my good friends and it showed that I am deeply cared for. This touches me a lot... Thanks a lot my dears... You Guys Rock!!!

I would try to blog more often in future.... Keke.... Good night my darlings!

An End!

2006-10-28T11:51:00.000+10:00

Endings are always painful. It hurts more than I am willing to let on. Opening up oneself is really not worth it. Now that it's all over and I am all alone again, I will brave things on myself. I am never ever going to open up to anyone again.

Touched my heart

2006-10-20T15:39:00.000+10:00

Through my times of needs, I can see who are the ones that are standing by me and who are my true friends that care about me. I would like to specially mention my twin, Nelson, Jenny and Josie.

Twin: Thanks a lot my dear for all your support and encouragement. Without you, my dark moments would have been even gloomier. Without you, my gals would have been in a more vulnerable state but your presence and help have made everything easier during the whole transition and now especially. Bringing Dior over has helped to cheer Muffin up a lot and Muffin is always glad to see Dior. Otherwise, she will simply sit there and sulk. Apart from the mental support, your help in getting stuff for my gals have helped to lighten the load on my ears (otherwise, hear no end to my mum's nagging)... Thanks a lot my dear. I am so honoured to have you as my best friend. I know I'll never be alone with you around. Words can't express my gratitude but I want you to know that hopefully, someday, I can repay everything that you've done for me and my gals too. You're the only person in the world that knows so much indepth about me. I will always be here for you. I love you (and not forgetting my darling god daughter, Dior)!

Nelson: Thanks a lot for taking the trouble to go over and groom my gals and I know Muffin hasn't been totally cooperative most of the time but I really appreciate you updating me about their well being and with their pics. My apologies for Muffin's naughty behaviours. Keke...

Jenny: First and foremost, thanks a lot for the beautiful scrapbook that you made for me. It's a very much treasured momento that I look at almost every night. Apart from that, I really appreciate your advise and your outlook of things have helped to broaden my horizons and allowed me to look at things from different angles. Thanks a lot my dear advisor for always been there as a listening ear. Give Candy and Jasmine a kiss for me!

Josie: Thanks a lot babe for being so encouraging and always there for me when I need someone to share my woes with. I hope that things will get better for you soon. Take good care of urself.

Words Women Used!

2006-10-05T12:54:00.000+10:00

Plagarised this from a friend's blog... What Women Truly Means!

FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

FIVE MINUTES
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

NOTHING
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine"

GO AHEAD
This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.

LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"

THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

THANKS A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome.

To the men: to warn them about future arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology! To the women: to give them a good laugh! Oh, and before we forget. "Whatever" ...it's a woman's way of saying *!#@ YOU!

Missing Him!

2006-10-04T17:20:00.000+10:00

I am confused about how I feel about him. He's the first guy I cared about that has dropped tears in front me. On Mon night, I did the most unbelievable thing. I reveal to him about how I feel about him and the worries that has been nagging at me for a while and all my concerns about us. This is usually something that I would never do. I always put up a protective shield around me when I feel for someone. I am scared of getting hurt or the pain that might come along with the sweet sweet feelings that I am having now. A normal reaction on my part would have been to back off till I have more control of how I feel but this time, I didn't. I let Fran know how I felt... ...

I am at his place most of the time. It's only been less than 10 hours since I last saw him but I am missing him already. What a weird feeling! This is a real concern. I had a great time with him yesterday. We went to La Pochetta for lunch and shopped a little bit. I met Fran's dad last night and he's a really friendly person! He's the president of the sailing club. Sounds like an interesting hobby to take up.

Dilemma...

2006-10-02T14:35:00.000+10:00

Thoughts were running through my mind at hundred miles per hour or maybe even per minute. I am in a very confused state. What should I do? How should I deal with the situation I am facing? Now that a lot of things in my life are more settled, I now have the time to slow down my pace and think about the other side of my life.

Heard from Rameena that Muffin seems smaller than ever. Here are the exact conversation we had:

Tinkerbelle+Issabelle= Mayhem says: Ok let me get to the seroius issue. Muffin is really missing you. When i saw her,i myself felt bad. Her face so small aready she is not thin but the face very small. Maia no problem, Minnie no problem.

Dilemma says: I know the two of them are ok and I know Muffin misses me heaps.

Tinkerbelle+Issabelle= Mayhem says: Maia is bigger now and she is very very friendly, like tinkerbelle.

Dilemma says: Everytime she hears my voice, she will be sad
Dilemma says: That's Maia. My mum says she will go home with anyone and adores u.

Tinkerbelle+Issabelle= Mayhem says: Yah her face really small leh. My heart just broke lah

Dilemma says:Does she looks sad?

Tinkerbelle+Issabelle= Mayhem says: Ya ya Maia was ready to pack her bags and leave

Dilemma says: U can take her. Lol... She's everyone's gal and very well toilet trained now.

Tinkerbelle+Issabelle= Mayhem says: Yah she look so sad and she jumped on the sofa and sat with me and look at me like asking me, "do you know where my mommy is "?
Tinkerbelle+Issabelle= Mayhem says: My heart really break man

Dilemma says:My heart breaks too when I see her on web cam

To cut the long story short, Muffin seems to be very miserable when I am away and has changes in her attitude. Have I done the right thing to come here? God, I miss her so much that my heart is aching.

Is letting someone go so that they can be happier always the right thing to do? What would you do if you have feelings for someone but is worried about getting hurt? What are the chances of finding true happiness? Although it's easier said than done, I wish I am more of a risk taker when it comes to affairs of the heart. Whenever I find myself getting close to someone, all I wanna do is retreat. Is that the right thing to do?

Missing In Action

2006-09-27T15:02:00.000+10:00

It's been a week since I last put in any entries in my blog. I have been busy with moving into my new place and now, it's all completed. I have moved into my own little place with the help of a few friends and had just got my internet connection. This last week has been a sweet but tiring week for me. Have spent almost everyday with Fran. He's really sweet and by coincidence, his ex was my uni friend. Being so close with him for the last week has allowed me to get to know the different sides of him and he's very different from most guys. The way I feel about him is something that I have never felt before. However, I am not going to elaborate because I won't want to jinx anything. He's been a constant source of support and help to me! I really appreciate everything...

My mum told me that Muffin still isn't getting along with my dad. She's more cranky nowadays and seems to flare up easily. Quite snappish at times and unpredictable. Always gloomy and depressed. My dad threatened to get rid of her but she's my precious. No way I will let him do that!!! I miss her so much. I wonder if she's behaving the way she is because she misses me too???

Missing heaps (So much so that it's hurting me...)
I miss Minnie and Muffin (Sorry I didn't mentioned Maia because a blog is supposed to reflect true honesty)
I miss my twin (Everything about her, esp her presence)
I miss my close friends, esp Jes and Byron (Jes for the shopping and chi chats while Byron to watch movies with me)
I miss my good friends, esp Jenny and Josie who always listens to me and helps to share my woes and keeps my spirits up
I miss my family (my mum especially though she nags a lot at me. No matter what, I know that she truly cares about me and is always there for me)

Slacking Off...

2006-09-19T18:38:00.000+10:00

Jesus, time really flies. I have been slacking. I used to blog at least every couple of days but I haven't done so since last Fri. Wow... almost 4 days since I last did. I guess it's because there's not a lot that I have to update. I had a fantastic weekend though I didn't eventually head off to Torquay. I decided not to be such a tease and lead Rich on. It's fair enough, I guess. But I still managed to had the most amazing weekend, spending it with someone cute. Maybe I won't divulge his name just as yet as I don't want to confuse everyone with all the different names at the moment. Haha... if the time is ever ripe, I might!

I have found a new place to move into. I am going to be so flat out this entire week. My schedule is filled to the brim....

Gloomy Friday

2006-09-15T18:25:00.000+10:00

Even though it's a beautiful day here, I'm feeling down.

I was disappointed about my own underachievements and have let my parents and twin down...

Spoken to Colin about my salary. He promises to resolve it soon. I hope so~~~

Had a wonderful time catching up with Rob last night.

Supposed to go to Torquay today for the weekend but Amanda and Justin thinks it's a teaser to do that with a guy whom u have no intention to be with.

Predictable Men...

2006-09-13T19:43:00.000+10:00

Was talking to him about our walk around the lake tomorrow. I asked him to go shopping after that, knowing how much he hates shopping. Initially, he says ok if it's for a little while (letting me twist him at his arm) and then our conversation drifted to what I plan to shop for and the topic lingerie came up and he immediately brighten up saying he'll gladly go shopping with me the entire day. How predictable of men... Letting their imagination run wild.

Anticipation...

2006-09-13T18:12:00.000+10:00

Maia went home last night and her 2 sisters weren't exactly rapt to see her even though it's been a week since they last saw them but she seems quite pleased to see them, particularly Muffin. My twin brought Dior along and Muffin was more excited to see Dior than her own little sister. What a strange little gal, my baby Muffin.

I'm eagerly awaiting some news to come through on Fri and I really appreciate all the assistance, understanding, encouragements and listening ear that my twin has been providing me so far. She's been there for me all these while and has listened to all my woes and worries without ever being judgemental. She's the best friend anyone can ever have. Dear, you'll definetly be the first one I informed when I get any news about that! Wish me luck.

Supposed to be spending my weekend at Torquay, a holiday house by the beach. Sounds interesting?

The Start of the Week

2006-09-11T23:06:00.000+10:00

Time flies when one's enjoying themself. I had a wonderful weekend and before I know it, it's back to cold Ballarat again. Ballarat, the country town that I live in is a nice little place, apart from the weather. It's colder than most parts of Victoria. Today was a nice start for me. Had a good night's rest and woke up feeling pretty fresh. Though the rest of the day was pretty uneventful and boring, I had a good night out with Thomas. Went out for tea and a few drinks at a pub because he was feeling a bit stress up at work. Guess work is never easy. Glad to be a listening ear for a change. Lol... He's always been there for me and it's time that I'm there for him instead. Haha... Might catch up with Rob sometime this week as well.

I think it's true what people says when you open up your heart to different things in the world. Suddenly you realised that somethings that you deemed as important isn't quite as important as it may seems and some feelings that you have doesn't runs as deep as you thought it might be. That's the amazing part of life. Unpredictable and when you realised that what you've felt or been doing isn't what it really is, realisation dawns on you and a total transition occurs.

Tomorrow is going to be a nice day so a walk around the lake with a great company and then a nice picnic seems like the ideal way to spend an afternoon. Will I get around doing that? Keep in tune to find out more.

Cold Morning

2006-09-08T10:00:00.000+10:00

The cold breeze in my room woke me up this morning. Actually, it's the sms from Charlie that woke me up. He's up at Falls Creek now. Told me there's not much snow and it's not worth going skiing at this time of the year. What a coincidence. I was actually planning to go there last weekend as Richard was telling me that it's the only place left that has decent amount of snow.

Charlie was so surprised when I replied his sms that he rang me back. Lol... He thought I would never get back (I have to admit that I don't try my best). Am I so aloof and cold? Didn't think so till he reminded me that. Never mind, I should make more effort to show a bit more interest to people around me. Haha... I don't wanna appear as a snob. I agreed to go out with him for a drink next week (if I can be bothered). Keke... talking about putting in more effort.

Things have come to an open...

2006-09-07T21:00:00.000+10:00

I just had a chat with Rob. Things have finally come to a clear stand. He managed to find my blog admist all the blogs in the world and told me clearly how he feels. He doesn't want a long term committments and doesn't want to hurt me so he made things clear to me. Although I do feel a tinge of pain, I am glad that it's all out in the open. It's an understanding that we both finally came to and I've decided the best thing for me is to back off. I don't want to be hurt and backing off is the best thing for me at the moment. I did tell him that we can be friends and would like us to be friends. That's what I truly feel. Rob, I'll be happy for you whatever you do. I'm really glad that Rob was so truthful to me and I really appreciate it. At least I am in better control of my emotions and can put my thoughts in touch again.

Thanks a lot again Thomas for coming to my rescue. Sorry I always rang u in the middle of the night whenever I am feeling down and make you come over with a last min phone call. Sorry sweetie...

Sweetest Act of Kindness

2006-09-06T16:44:00.000+10:00

I mentioned in my previous posting that my twin went over to visit my gals and let Dior play with her favourite Muffin jie jie last night. The act of going all the way over to my house on purpose is already going out of her way as we don't live that close to each other. It's a fair distance to drive to and from my place. Furthermore, my twin did more than just visit my gals and let Muffin play with her favourite Dior. ST knew the circumstances surrounding my family and Minnie and Muffin and thus, she went out of her way to help me out. For someone who isn't very good with words, ST did the most amazing thing for us. She knew about my worries about my gals food and supplements and she went over to my place with bagfuls of food and supplements for my gals. This is an act that touches my heart deeply. I really don't know how to express my heartfelt gratitude. It's one of the nicest and sweetest thing that anyone could have done for me. Thanks a lot, twin. I really appreciate everything that you've done for me and 3Ms. You're the best!

P.S/ Rob is a bit cold towards me again. Or maybe it's just the sms. I don't know but now knowing that he's much better, I might not make any contact again and leave things up to him.

Dior's Unhappy Intrusion

2006-09-06T11:30:00.000+10:00

Last night, my Twin went over to my place and took Maia home for a short vacation. Muffin and Dior was so happy when they see each other, like long lost relatives but Dior was less rapt to see Maia. Guess that's what they called chemistry. I wonder how Minnie and Muffin is reacting with suddenly one less member of the family. I'm going to find out from my mum later on... keke. However, as everyone could see, Dior isn't really rapt to have a visitor over at her own cosy home. My twin told me that Dior was feeling miserable. When everyone at her house was looking at Maia, Dior will just hide in one corner. Lol... This is definetly jealousy. As the picture could tell, Dior was so miserable having a new addition in her own playpen. Will update more later :-p

My Twin

2006-09-05T08:33:00.000+10:00

Sometimes in life, it takes more than distance and hurdles to see through a real friendship. A real friendship is when both parties are there for each other through the good and bad times. This is easier said than done. Leaving Singapore to come to Australia has allowed me to learn even more about the people around me. I learnt to realise the ones that are always there for me irregardless of the different situation that I am in. Having said this, my "twin", ST would be the best example.

ST and I got to know each other at the end of 2004 through work. By coincidence, both her and I are the only Singaporeans who joined a China firm based in Singapore. Further coincidence showed that the both of us have been educated in Aus (she in Perth and I in Melb), born on the same day, same month and same year with only 10 mins apart between the both of us and at the same place. Having said this, it's a coincidence that doesn't occur very often. I think fate played a huge part in bringing us together.

Through work, we got to bond with each other as we're the only Singaporeans at work and we share similar interests. Although we're quite different in a lot of ways, we managed to always come to a compromise in difficult situations. ST has always been there for me during my down periods and she's the one that understands the most about my situation, in many sense. My family situation is one that I am not comfortable discussing but ST is the one that I confide in whenever I have problems, including with my family. Our friendship started to prosperous right from the start. We even went into partnership of a pet clothings and accessories business, called Perky Paws and found our little mascot, Dior who is now my precious god daughter.

Now that I am over here in Aus, ST has been my pillar of strength right from the start. She's been the one who encourages me to take the venture and not to easily give up. Apart from that, she's always been there when I need someone to talk to and when I am feeling bleak about my life here in Aus. Whenever I have a dilema about whether I have made the right decision to come to Aus, ST has been a great source of support in asking me not to give up easily. Most important of all, she's one of the few friends who has been there for my gals and I, despite the fact that I am away in Aus.

I honestly don't know how to express my heartfelt grattitude to her for everything that she has done for Minnie, Muffin, Maia and me. I love you, gal. Remember that no matter what happens, our friendship / sisterhood will last till the end of time and I will always be there for you. Also remember that you can always confide in me and trust that I am never going to leave ur side.

Celine Dion- Tell Him

2006-09-04T21:59:00.000+10:00

Thank you babe. Josie has been there for me while I am going through the turmoils of my feelings here in Aus and what I should be doing. She told me that I should listen to this song and I do think it perfectly describes my current feelings. Thanks a lot babe for listening to my woes for so long and having to put up with me for being such a pain. Here's the lyrics to the song.

I'm scared
So afraid to show I care
Will he think me weak
If I tremble when I speak
Oooh - what if
There's another one he's thinking of
Maybe he's in love
I'd feel like a fool
Life can be so cruel
I don't know what to do
I've been there
With my heart out in my hand
But what you must understand
You can't let the chance
To love him pass you by
Tell him
Tell him that the sun and moon rise in his eyes
Reach out to him
And whisper tender words so soft and sweet
I'll hold him close to feel his heart beat

Love will be the gift you give yourself
Touch him (ooohh)
With the gentleness you feel inside(I feel it)
Your love can't be denied
The truth will set you free
You'll have what's meant to be
All in time you'll see

OoohhI love him(then show him)
Of that much I can be sure(hold him close to you)
I don't think I could endure
If I let him walk away
When I have so much to say
Tell him
Tell him that the sun and moon rise in his eyes
Reach out to him
And whisper tender words so soft and sweet
Hold him close to feel his heart beat
Love will be the gift you give yourself

Love is light that surely glows
In the hearts of those who know
It's a steady flame that grows (oh ooh oh oh)
Feed the fire with all the passion you can show
Tonight love will assume its place
This memory time cannot erase
Your faith will lead love where it has to go
Tell him
Tell him that the sun and moon rise in his eyes
Reach out to him and whisper
Whisper words so soft and sweet
Hold him close to feel his heart beat
Love will be the gift you give yourself
ooh ooh ooh
Never let him go

My Resolution Is Softening...

2006-09-04T19:09:00.000+10:00

Had a pretty eventful day today. Went for a walk down the streets with Amanda and we both bought some liquor and did some shopping. Got my jobseeker number and had to meet up with the Job network people tomorrow at 11am. At least I got most of my stuff worked out.

Even though my resolution has been pretty strong (I haven't contacted Rob since Sat night), an sms from him just now soften my touch. Am I doing the right thing? I broke my own promise not to ever contact him back again. I was worried. He's been in the hospital.

Today has been a mourning day for a lot of people. Steve Irwin died. He got stung by a stingray while he was filming a documentary. He's been a real character in many countries and he'll be greatly remembered by lots of people around him. It's so sad...

Men Are Hard To Please

2006-09-04T17:27:00.000+10:00

Got this email from a friend and I think it's pretty cool so thought I'll share it...

The problems with GUYS:
If u TREAT him nicely, he says u are IN LOVE with him;
If u Don't, he says u are PROUD.
If u DRESS Nicely, he says u are trying to LURE him;
If u Don't, he says u are from KAMPUNG.
If u ARGUE with him, he says u are STUBBORN;
If u keep QUIET, he says u have no BRAINS.
If u are SMARTER than him,he'll lose FACE;
If he's Smarter than u, he is GREAT.
If u don't Love him, he tries to POSSESS u;
If u Love him, he will try to LEAVE u.(very true huh?)
If u tell him your PROBLEM, he says u are TROBLESOME;
If u don't, he says that u don't TRUST him.
If u SCOLD him, u are like a NANNY to him;
If he SCOLDS u, it is because he CARES for u.
If u BREAK your PROMISE, u Cannot be TRUSTED;
If he BREAKS his,he is FORCED to do so.
If u SMOKE, u are BAD girl;
If he SMOKES, he is GENTLEMENT.
If u do WELL in your exams, he says it's LUCK;
If he does WELL, it's BRAINS.
If u HURT him, u are CRUEL;
If he HURTS u, u are too SENSITIVE!! (sooo hard to please!!!!!)
If u send this to guys, they will swear that it's not true.......?

Learning to let go

2006-09-02T22:33:00.000+10:00

Deep within myself, I think I have the answers already but I was just not ready to face up to reality. However, sometimes facts are cruel. He was sick for the last couple of days. I tried to ring him twice yesterday but he didn't picked up or rang back. Today, he sms me saying that he just went to a doc again and despite my resolution about not smsing him again, I went against my own advise. I texted him back and even sms him a few more times throughout the day just to see how he is doing. But again, there's no reply from him.

I must not sms or contact him again. Please be stronger, Chris!

Anyway, Thomas, thanks a lot for the wonderful night last night. Thanks for listening to me when I was feeling down.

Dedicated to all my love ones in Singapore, esp Minnie and Muffin

2006-09-02T22:24:00.000+10:00

When the cherryblossom colors flutter,
I am alone
Standing exhausted, I can't cut off these feelings bottled up inside.
When the color of new leaves shake, feelings overflow,
I lost sight of everything and drifted towards you.
The trees around us told us in silence
That we would both see:
People don't have to be limited to one place
When the withering leaves change color, I am next to you
And as the passing days fade, my love for you would never change.
But please, let these trees protect these feelings
Silently rustling leaves above us,
Just one more time..Before long, the seasons will pass
And we will be together again.

But right now, there's only one thing I know
Embrace me, silently covered by the snow, t
The feelings get lost
The footprints vanish, sounds disappear in vain
But please, let these trees protect these feelings
So that, frozen in eternity, we may live on here.
The trees around us told us in silence
That we would both see:
People don't have to be limited to one place
When the cherryblossom colors flutter,
I'm alone here thinking deeply about all of you.
Savoring my thoughts of you

P.S/ Remember that mummy never stops loving you my dearest Minnie, Muffin and Maia. Mummy can't wait to be back home with you girls. Till then, let's hold all the precious thoughts within us and we'll see each other soon.

Realisation finally dawned on me

2006-09-01T20:51:00.000+10:00

I think reality has finally hit me. I do understand things in a different perspective now. I tried ringing him twice today to see how he's feeling but both times he didn't picked up. Once was just after I received an sms from him. I just wanted to ask him how he was feeling but by not picking up the call, I think I have understood what it means. It's not convenient. He's really sick today, having diarrohea and has been throwing up but not sick enough to prevent him from logging on. I guess it just signifies what I've always thought. There's another part of him that is always going to be a mystery to me. This is enough. It's pretty tiring to go on like this. I am forever guessing if there's another part of him that I don't know of and if he's serious about things. I am going to give up. I will not ever contact him again. Maybe when the time is right, we might be able to have a chat but I am worried about being hurt so withdrawing is the only way out. I have to get away. However cruel it might seems, I'm only going to email him from now on till he gets better and I will stop. This is a form of determination I never felt before...

Jinxed by my words?

2006-09-01T11:47:00.000+10:00

Oh no... I was just mentioning to Rob yesterday that nothing is more important than his health and he shouldn't be overworking himself and he felt sick yesterday and had to see the doctor's today. I think this is the first time I heard him going to the doctor. It must be pretty serious... I hope he feels better soon. I feel terrible that just after what I said, he fell ill. Hope I didn't jinxed him.

Went for a swim yesterday with Thomas. I actually managed to do 8 laps to and from. Wow... considering I haven't swam for a while and my stamina isn't that great. Jolene and Glen came over to visit me last night. It was wonderful when we had a nice dinner together at Thai Fusion. It seems to be one of my favourite place. It's so good catching up with them and talking about life back in Singapore, especially about Minnie and Muffin. I miss them so much, esp my precious Muffin. Maybe when I've really settled down, I should seriously considered bringing the both of them back here with me.

This is just an update of what happened yesterday... Will blog again soon if anything interesting happens today. Maybe I should give Rob a ring later to see how he's feeling...

Hope he's feeling ok

2006-08-30T13:41:00.000+10:00

Amanda did a tarot card reading for me and she's damn accurate. She has done it for me a couple of times and although not everything comes true but 3 out of 5 did came true. It was amazing. This week's reading says:

1. An older man in my life will dash my hopes/ give me false hopes.
2. I have some issues with men and I can find true happiness if I let them go.
3. I have a few options about jobs but isn't considering them as I am looking for something else. And the better job will be just round the corner.

It's so true... I was offered two jobs. One with E & O Group and one with Big Fish but both jobs required direct selling with no basis salary. All of them are full time jobs but they're not what I am looking for. I will hang around and hopefully the better job will be just round the corner.

Rob and I met last night after his seminar in the Ballarat State Office. We were supposed to spend more time together but a pity, he was called back on duty when a truck overturned and he had to go and see to the welfare of the sheeps that were on the truck. It was a cold and foggy night and he had to attend to work. Must be hard. He's feeling really tired today and didn't get back to see me last night. I hope he's feeling alright. I had a talk with him about Sunday. I told him that I was a bit disappointed that he changed the appointment and not informing me earlier. Has this put him off? I guess I'll let fate plays its roles and if things doesn't work out, I am happy to be his friend. Always a listening ear...

Another Day Has Gone...

2006-08-28T17:53:00.000+10:00

Today has been another boring day for me. Rob sms me in the morning as well as talked to me online during his lunch break. I could feel myself getting cold in my heart when I spoke to him. No more endearing terms such as sweetie from me. It sounded more polite than ever. I guess part of me just distrusts him and I know that this is a horrible feeling. I can't help but feel that there is another side of him that is beyond my understanding. He arranged to meet me after his conference tomorrow. I agreed to it. I have been advised to tell him about my disappointment about him changing the appointment and even being friends, I also feel that I should. Honesty is a key virtue.

Just got to know my god- daughter is now a full- fledged "woman" (Pretty Dior's pictures are right at the top of the blog). Isn't she absolutely pretty? Congratulations Dior. You're a big gal now. Haha... Your mummy's vitamins must have worked wonders. She's now a really pretty girl. Putting on weight has made her look more gorgeous than ever. I think she's going to be a real heartbreaker when she grows older. Haha...

I finally got around to finishing up the collage that I vowed to do for Minnie and Muffin. Took the pics using my phone camera so it's not that clear. However, I am actually quite proud of my accomplishments. I have never done anything artistic before and this one doesn't look too bad. The pity is that it doesn't looks as nice as the scrapbook that Jenny made for me...

True Colours of human

2006-08-28T00:00:00.000+10:00

I had a terrible sat night. Miki was a lunatic. Asked his friend to ring me and tell me how much he loves me etc and asked me to go out with him. When I declined that he comes and picks me up, he ignored my refusal and still turned up at my doorstep. God, it was a scary incident. He even accuse me of seeing someone else when him and I are not even officially together. What a loopie. I was glad to get rid of him at the end.

Rob and I made plans to meet on Sun afternoon but he changed his mind and only let me know after I sms him. I mean, it's ok if he wants to have lunch with his mates but I think it's still basic courtesy to let me know beforehand the change of plans. Then he asked if I wanna have dinner together and when I asked him to confirm it so that I can tell Steve that I won't be meeting him, Rob actually told me to go out as he can't promise anything yet. I am sick and tired of this kind of lifestyle. I do wonder if he has another part of life that I do not know about.

I have decided to steer clear away from him. As hard as it might be, I have decided to put my emotions aside and vowed never to make initial contact with him again. I don't want to put myself in a position that I might be vulnerable to any kind of pain and hurt. Although, the saying goes, no venture, no gain but this is a risky venture that I have absolutely no confidence in. Maybe it might seems like I am trying to rush things too fast but I honestly don't know what to think about this anymore. I think by keeping a distance from him would be the best way to go... Wish me luck and success in doing that! Don't give up!

Life Is Far From A Bed of Roses

2006-08-26T16:39:00.000+10:00

It's another one of the day whereby things just doesn't seems to be going right for me. Had a few disheartening news about my job and people around me. That can be really depressive. Rob is at a memorial birthday party today whereby one of his close friends is supposed to be having her 50th party but she passed away after a brave fight with cancer. People are gathered together today to recall her sweetness and things she did... What a sweet thing. When I die, I would love to have people gathered together and shared about how I have influenced their life at different times.

Steve was talking to me about the scare they had at Melbourne Central station yesterday with regards to a potential terrorist attack. A guy in his 20s behaved really strangely, when stopped by security, he yelled out that he will take them with him and dashed down and jumped into the railway tracks. Then he walked upwards the tracks... carrying a haversack. The security though there was going to be a bomb scare and people were dispersed and lots of havoc were raised. In the end, there was nothing too serious.

Feeling 100% now

2006-08-25T13:49:00.000+10:00

Annoying Charlie (not the boss of Bibo) pop off last night and he was such a pain. Honestly, he must be one of the dumbest person in the world. Nothing that comes out of his mouth makes any sense to me. Had a nice chat with Rob last night but got to know something pretty embarrassing :P. He went to bed rather early because he was feeling very tired.

He's still not feeling 100% yet so it's not that good to hear. Hope he feels better now. No mention of Miki because I can't be bothered honestly. No one else really matters. Will blog again after my interview because my day has been real boring so far. I should take some pics and start posting them on the blog.

Feeling Sick

2006-08-24T17:06:00.000+10:00

I have been feeling sick for the last two days. Was planning to spend an entire wonderful afternoon shopping on Tue but got really sick while having lunch. That sort of ruins half of my day. Had to take some cold and flu medication and was drifting in and out of sleep a lot during the night. Had to wake up a couple of times to take more medication. Slept in a lot on the next day and met up with Rob at around 7plus after his work. A nice hot spa bath was all it took to make me feel a bit better but the cold tablets that Rob gave me must have been brilliant. I am feeling much better today! Hooray... Thank u sweetie.

Fantastic Day Out!

2006-08-21T21:57:00.000+10:00

Getting Ready To Go Out On My Birthday

This is Duke. A doggie soft toy from Rob. He wanted to get me a gift with a personal touch. It's indeed one with more than a personal touch ...

Wow... he actually managed to take time off his busy work schedule to take me out for the entire day. I enjoyed the day heaps. He came and picked me up at 2pm and we first went for a drive at Mt Buninyong which used to be a volcano and we had a lookout at the watching tower called the Alexandra Bell Memorial Lookout. It's a 10 meters flight of stairs and I was huffing and puffing by the time we got up there. Time just seems to fly when I am out with him. After that, we went for a short walk and then drove to the waterfalls (Lal Lal Falls) but it's a pity, there was no water at all. I think the drought has caused the place to dry up. His birthday is on the 3rd of March. I should remember it. Lol... We had a nice long chat at the waterfall lookout. He's so knowledgeable. He gave me a hug there and I was shy and pulled away. He's a really sweet guy...

After a long chat at the lookout, we head back to town for dinner. We went to the restaurant which overlooks the Lake Wendouree and it was a beautiful dinner with a great company. I just feel so much at ease when I am with him. He's so comfortable to be with and I am just who I am... After that, we took a walk along the lake. Beautiful and romantic night out where he held my hands. It was an unforgettable birthday.

Happy Birthday To Me

2006-08-20T23:44:00.000+10:00

Happy Birthday to me! I'm getting older now by another year. Jesus, I am now 24 years old. Time to grow up and be more mature and sensible. This is the 1st birthday I am away from Minnie and Muffin for the last 4-5 years. I still remember the 1st birthday back in Singapore, a bunch of friends and I went out for dinner at Romano and all our furkids went with us. The food was Italian, pretty expensive meal but the environment was brilliant. Minnie and Muffin met up with a lot of "Singapore friends" for the 1st time. They had a great time.

The 2nd birthday I had back in Singapore was at Urban Pooch and I was honoured to had a lot of people coming to attend my birthday party. There was my "twin", ST and Dior my god daughter, Lynn and Tazy, Jenny and family, including Candy, Fiona (but never bring darling Kiki along), Michelle & bf with Niko, dearie, Jearlyn, Leah and bf with Xue er and Miu Miu etc (my apologies if I left anyone out because my memory is failing). Lol... I remember Muffin wanting to run out and play a few times but all of us had a great deal of fun. Dearie sent us home and then we went ktv with Michelle and her bf.

Now, it's counting down to the mins of my actual birthday. This year, it'll be the first one that Minnie and Muffin is not by my side. They always enjoy celebrating my birthday with me. God, I miss them so much... my beautiful gals.

Lazy Sunday

2006-08-20T14:11:00.000+10:00

Had a great time last night when I went out with Amanda. Justin only wanted to go to Club Q but it was closed by the time we got there (1am). Tried to get him to go with us to Rafters but he hates the clubbing scene so no choice, only Amanda and I head off. We tried to go to a few places like Irish Murphy and Thirsty Dog but they were all closed. Jesus... that's kind of early. Left with no other choice, we went back to Rafters. Saw Anthony out finally! He's not bad looking... but someone better was out there. Miki is such a sweet guy. He's so different from all the guys I know. All in all, we had a fantastic night out getting smashed. Keke...

Dedicated to dearie

2006-08-19T22:01:00.000+10:00

Mentioning so much about dearie but haven't even posted a pic of the both of us together. Tata... see how cute and pretty she is... She's every guy's dream gal and there's the one that doesn't appreciate her as much as she deserves. Dearie is still nursing a broken heart now and I hate to see her in such misery. I would do anything to take her pain away if I can. She's been there for me when I went thru some rough patches with men and she was the one who spoke to me at the early mornings of 3am when I miss home and is heartbroken. Dearie, everything will be ok soon. Keep your chin up. I am always here for you.

Dearie with Michelle at Muffin's 3rd birthday party at Worlds' Apart...

Pre- Birthday Dinner

2006-08-19T21:13:00.000+10:00

John, Angela and Steve came up to Thai Fusion and had a pre- birthday dinner with me. It was an excellent meal and we all had our fill. However, not much conversation flowed between Steve and me. He looked a bit tired and seems to talk to John more about football and stuff. I think the message is pretty clear. If I am not mistaken, he's currently seeing someone. Never mind. I should just give up and never ever think of him otherwise again. It's great catching up with all the 3 of them though. It was really sweet of them. They got me an Elizabeth Arden Red Door perfume. Muah...

Just think of the fun I would be having later. Tania hurt her back so she can't go out with us tonight. Think it'll just be Amanda and me. Maybe do a club crawl. Keke...

Night Fever

2006-08-19T12:49:00.000+10:00

Talking to dearie last night and knowing that she's going through a rough patch with Ryan seems to put a lot of things into place. I read her blog this morning and realised that I am in a very similar predicament. Always waiting and waiting for the long awaited sms or phone call from him but most of the time, it brings along disappointment and destroys the dash of hope that I ever had. Dearie has made her decision and I am always going to be there for her. It's great that she's finally had a chance to talk to Ryan. That usually makes an end to a misery but for me, the talk seems to just put a start to mine. Haha...

Maybe I am indeed asking too much because his busy work schedule doesn't permit him to see me much but honestly, I think that he should make more effort to sms me. I have decided to be as brave as dearie and not make any initial contact. It's just too tiring.

After yet another night of disappointing wait for him to stop over before heading home, he sms me saying that he'll be driving straight home. He lives more than a 100km away from me but it's no reason why he can't come and see me before going home. It's been more than a week since I last saw him. Never mind that... I just enjoy his company and talking to him. Anyway, being sick and tired of forever getting my hopes dashed, I went out for tea with Charlie, the owner of Bibo and a few other restaurants. Met his 2 labs as well. Not a bad night out. He's got a cool looking heated spa as well. Came home close to midnight and had a good sleep in till 10.30am this morning.

Having a lazy day today. Tried on a top that I am going to wear out for dinner with Steve and John and Angela tonight. Needs a proper bra straps. Lol... Tonight should be fun, I hope. Going out for tea with Steve, John and Angela and then a night out with Amanda and hopefully, Tania.

While I am blogging anyway, I will introduce you to Amanda and Tania whom should be going out with me tonight... Isn't Amanda pretty?

Expected Outcome

2006-08-18T17:59:00.000+10:00

Although I do understand how busy his working schedule is, I am not quite sure if he is putting in any effort to come and see or talk to me after all. Yesterday, he was supposed to come over after his conference but got held up. We planned to talk online but didn't do so. Today was a less stressful day but the weather outside was cold and damp. A depressive weather. Was hoping to catch up with him but didn't again. Another day of disappointment swept in. This just got me thinking that maybe I am really not suited to this sort of lifestyle. A forever waiting and pending lifestyle with no absolute answers.

Some other guys show more effort in catching up with me and although I don't enjoy their company as much, it gets me thinking that if he really wants to catch up? Is it really because of his work? I have decided not to get my hopes high anymore and I should restrain my feelings. Never ever wanna get hurt... Although he has made it crystal clear about his work committment, it's just hard for me not to be affected at all.

Monday is an important day to me. He promises to have dinner with me on Mon night. Let's just see if it happens. If it does, then it's still worth having a go. If not, then I will let things cool off.

Never mind, going out for dinner with Charlie. Hope that it'll be fun. He's going to cook me a meal in his restaurant.

Damn It

2006-08-18T11:04:00.000+10:00

Holy shit... Woke up finding that it's the time of the month. Damn it! I was looking forward to having a good night out on sat and then this shit has to happen. Sob sob... It's pathetic. Somemore I need to go out and buy some bras later. Haiz...

Girl Vs Woman

2006-08-17T20:53:00.000+10:00

Read this from my fren's blog... cool~ jus share it around. sometimes... how true~

Girls leave their schedule wide-open and wait for a guy to call and make plans.
Grown women make their own plans and nicely tell the guy to get in where he fits

Girls want to control the man in their life.
Grown women know that if he's truly hers, he doesnt need controlling.

Girls check you for not calling them.
Grown women are too busy to realize you hadnt.

Girls are afraid to be alone.
Grown women revel in it using it as a time for personal growth.

Girls ignore the good guys.
Grown women ignore the bad guys.

Girls make you come home.
Grown women make you want to come home.

Girls worry about not being pretty and/or good enough for their man.
Grown women know that they are pretty and/or good enough for any man.

Girls try to monopolize all their man's time (i.e., dont want him hanging with his friends).
Grown women realize that a little bit of space makes the together time even more special and goes to kick it with her own friends.

Girls think a guy crying is weak.
Grown women offer their shoulder and a tissue.

Girls want to be spoiled and tell their man so.
Grown women show him and make him comfortable enough to reciprocate without fear of losing his manhood.

Girls get hurt by one man and make all men pay for it.
Grown women know that that was just one man.

Girls fall in love and chase aimlessly after the object of their affection, ignoring all signs.
Grown women know that sometimes the one you love, dont always love you back and move on, without bitterness.

Girls will read this and get an attitude.
Grown women will read this and pass it on to other Grown women and their male friends.

Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail

Expectations in life

2006-08-17T20:50:00.000+10:00

When I was little, I was absorbed in loneliness, what could I do?
How many phone calls, it's how lonely and miserable I was
It was whatever I wanted, however I wanted it
No matter what I did, I didn't need to see the results
Embracing all my expectations
Eliminated by the true face of reality
Then I realized time doesn't wait for me
I need self-love, to turn over a new leaf
I'll be resolute through all the toils, I only want to give myself a beautiful future
Then I realize, I don't know how to get past the present
So I have to choose: to be heartbroken or happy?
To believe in myself, or blame myself? Ask myself what I want
Even if I don't know what sort of colors the future will bring
Even if I lose everything, at least I have the choice
Rising from bed every day, Mama would keep me company
Doraemon would play on the TV, for me to enjoy
But now it's not the same, Mama lives far away
That show, Doraemon, is no longer airing...
So I will choose not to be heartbroken, but happy
I'll believe in myself, not blame myself; I'll cherish every moment
Even if I don't know what sort of colors the future will bring
Even if I lose everything
At least I have the choice
I hear my own deep breath accompanying my footsteps as I walk
I don't know where my goal is, I only know I want to keep walking forward nonstop
I can't find news of you when I'm cherishing it
Perhaps there's no way to bear it, but I won't wait around
So I need to choose: to be heartbroken or happy?
To believe in myself, or blame myself? Ask myself what I want
Even if I don't know what sort of colors the future will bring
Even if I lose everything, I can still choose

Sentimental Feelings Washes Over Me

2006-08-17T15:56:00.000+10:00

Got a call from him today saying he'll be joining us for tea on sat night. I am not sure if I should be feeling excited, surprised or just emptiness. Did our weekly shopping today. Feeling a bit exhausted. Shopping is never easy if it's grocery shopping. I prefer clothes shopping or even window shopping. Lol...

Silly me... I was missing Minnie and Muffin so much that on impulse, I collected 42 pictures of them (from baby till now) and went to develop them all. I wanted to do a collage of them, my precious loves. Show u all a sneak preview of some of the pictures I am going to have inside it. I hope that I will eventually get around to doing it and not be lazy and half hearted.

How I wish...

2006-08-13T16:00:00.000+10:00

Anyone knows what it feels like to not be in a comfortable warm bed for about a month? Nothing is better than being tucked up in a nice warm bed with a blanket on me. I am still sleeping in the lounge in Justin and Amanda's house. They're great people but honestly. sleeping on the couch is not the most comfortable thing in the world.

Rob just broke the unhappy news to me. Are we still friends?

Overwhelming Feelings

2006-08-13T15:24:00.001+10:00

5 Aug
Another day that is filled with an aching of loneliness and emptiness. Why? Sometimes, I really wonder if I have made the right decision to come back to Australia but now that I have, I am determined to make things work. I should prevail and not give up but is it that easy? I remember the day that I left everyone back home on the 12 July 06. I was actually really touched by everyone who came and sees me off. Trying to be strong, I held back my tears and tell myself that my future has everything to look forward to. Thank you dearie (Jes, who is Minnie & Muffin god mum), Alicia, Josie, Byron and Vivien for coming to see me off. I am not good with farewells so might appear as a bit of standoffish when I bid everyone a goodbye. I miss all of you heaps, especially Minnie and Muffin. My heart is aching with a throbbing pain whenever I think of your cute faces. I love you, my babies. Be good gals and remember that you're always in my mind.

P.S/ The first time I met Rob is 27/7 but I feel like I've known him for ages.

Cold Rainy Day

2006-04-11T14:53:00.000+10:00

Being in a stiffening office environment on a cold rainy day is the worst thing that can ever happen. How I wish I am now snugly tucked in bed. I miss my warm bed and my gals cuddling up to me.... Now almost the mid of the month and there's still no news of the cheque coming in. Haiz... I am going to starve to death!